Letting ’em Rip

I’m said it once before:  farts are funny.

Especially when your nine years old, farts are one of the two things (poop being the other) that the known universe practically revolves around.  But now, thanks to science, there is another suggested benefit that goes far beyond their obvious humorous implications.

Ready?  Here it is:  farts might actually help stave off cancer.  Didn’t see that coming did you?  Other physical health ailments that researchers are also suggesting might be prevented from the whiffing of a good ‘ol rotten egg fart include strokes, heart disease, arthritis, dementia and even aging.  Shit, at the rate this kid lets ’em rip I might just live forever.

Yes, a new study at the University of Exeter recently published in the ‘Medicinal Chemistry Communications’  journal suggests that exposure to hydrogen sulfide (a.k.a. what your body produces as bacteria breaks down food in your gut, causing gas) could prevent mitochondria damage. The implication being exactly what you’re thinking: smelling someone’s toxic air eclairs could prevent disease by preventing (and even reverse) mitochondrial damage in cells.  Now, given the average person farts approximately 14 times a day (more I’m sure in our house), if this ‘farts are good for you’ thing is truly the case then we just might be the healthiest family on the planet.

Furthermore, researchers have also developed a compound called ‘AP39’ designed to deliver just the right dose of the stinky stuff directly to affected cells. Studies on actual humans come next, but in the meantime, it might pay to thank that guy in the elevator for saving your life.  At the very least, I figure this now gives me free reign to layeth down with the sphincter biscuits going forward.  So it’s time to load up on the beans and sausage…hey, what’s best for the family after all, right?

I’m just doing my part.

God help me.


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