Checking In

It’s been a while since I’ve updated this blog with, well, anything.  I could offer you any number of excuses here but let’s just leave it at life becoming “busy” for lack of a better word. To point, I lost my mother to leukemia just a few short months ago (and now my father has begun his own backward slide down this mortal coil), crashed my truck into a ditch (with the girls in it) during a freak ice storm in March, and made a transition from working at home to working at an office; not to mention all the personal challenges these incidents have brought to an otherwise active and time consuming personal schedule.  Oh, and did I mention that Kelly has also started a new job at the hospital further shaking up our routine?  So, yeah…”busy” is definitely a good word.  ‘Busy’ is good I guess, or so I have been led to believe anyway, but it’s not without its own unique challenges.

The good news is that the family continues to be well and good – apart from being a bit shaken up after ending up in a country ditch during the middle of March’s ‘Ice-aggeddon’ that is.  HRH is her usual rambunctious and inquisitive self and Kelly is loving the new job (Me? Not so much).  On the surface, it all seems to be status quo.

However, I sometimes feel that I’m just coping. I won’t deny that I have been experiencing this sense of foreboding and stress for a while. Stress over new car payments; stress over new work expectations; stress over my fathers’ health; stress over not living up to my own expectations. More than these, I’m stressed that I’m letting my family down.  There is a tightness in my chest that I can’t seem to shake some days and so I simply put on the ‘brave face’ for the family’s sake and carry on carrying on; some days are definitely more challenging than others.  I guess I figure that’s the manly, or ‘fatherly’ thing to do as I believe maintaining a stoic sense of ‘normalcy’ in the home is important and so I do my best to maintain that precious status quo but, often, my heart just isn’t into it. But I still do my best.  What else can I do?

Throughout it all I am still trying to keep up with my personal training regimen of developing my over all mental toughness through a series of planned events and challenges so at the very least I have a somewhat regular outlet to burn off the mounting stress through swimming, biking or running should it ever begin to mount to critical mass which, luckily, it hasn’t.  Plus, I want to continue setting a good example for HRH  to persevere through her own challenges in the future when life finally decides to toss her her own lemons and to continue putting that symbolic foot forward.  Maybe that’s the lesson in all this for me as well.

Anyway, I’m confident I’ll get back to being my normal sarcastic, bitchy and good humored self soon enough and when I do, I’m equally confident the posts on this site will begin again in earnest. Until then, there is really nothing more that I’m trying to convey through this blog post other than the fact that I am still alive and – all things considered – well.

God help me.

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