The Toothpaste Conundrum

I found myself in a bit of a predicament the other night when I happened to run out of toothpaste in my downstairs Man’s Bathroom.  Innocent enough, right?  Kelly had already gone to bed so I didn’t relish sneaking into our Master Bedroom and risk waking her up, so I decided to steal some from HRH’s bathroom instead which is just at the top of the stairs.  Little to my dismay, she only had a tube of – *sigh* – special Hannah Montana toothpaste; strawberry-flavored to be exact.  FML.

Do I or don't I?

Do I or don’t I?

But, hey, toothpaste is toothpaste after all, right?  So what if I was about to fight plague with something endorsed by and proudly depicting Miley Cyrus.  I hesitated at first, but soon figured that it was doubtful I would ever catch something so I tried it and it was…amazing.  Strawberry!  I could’ve brushed for a week.  And you will all be happy to note that it has not yet brought on a random desire to suddenly begin twerking, or caused my tongue to inexplicably attempt to touch my left ear lobe.  No, it was just pure strawberry deliciousness.

So this got me to thinking, why don’t adults have better tasting toothpaste anyway?  At the very least, why don’t we have better flavors to choose from?  Don’t adults like the taste of strawberries, or other kinds of fruits for that matter?  Shit, why not a chocolate and salted caramel flavored toothpaste?  Tell me that shit wouldn’t sell.  So why then are adults typically only offered such standard and uninspired flavors such as spearmint, peppermint or, hell, baking soda?  Seriously, baking soda?  Whoever looks at a box of baking soda and thinks to themselves, “Mmm, I bet that sodium bicarbonate shit is tasty!”  Umm, no one!  That’s who.

So, while it may not be the manliest thing I’ve ever done, I sure do love me some Miley Cyrus toothpaste.  I wonder what the reaction will be at the checkout this weekend at the local supermarket when I wheel through an entire shopping cart of the stuff.

God help me.

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  1. Kent

     /  March 10, 2014

    Aint nuthing wrong with some Miley in your mouth

  2. ME Davis

     /  March 10, 2014

    I remember a few years ago, one company did try to market alternate flavors like vanilla and lemon. I tried the vanilla & thought it was pretty good but overall, they didn’t sell & soon disappeared from the shelves. I guess most folks associate clean with mint flavors. Guess you should stock up on the Miley stuff just in case. 😉


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