Merry Duckmas!

Its three days before Christmas and I should be over-inundated with the usual traditional Christmas holiday crap but, I’m not.  No.  Instead, you know what my Facebook feed and subsequent Internet browsers have been subjecting me to ad nauseum?  Duck-freakin-Dynasty!  That’s what.   It’s bad enough that you can’t walk into a store – ANY STORE – without bumping face first into a Duck Dynasty POS display hawking ball caps, sweat shirts, and what have you, but what’s wrong with our society when what some camouflaged idiot with a beard may (or may not) have said about gays overrules the spirit of the Christmas Season?  Seriously, who gives a shit?

It’s Christmas!  It’s about the ‘Ho! Ho! Ho!’, not ‘Ho! Ho! Homosexuals!

Now, I’m not passing judgment on the whole A&E controversy as, truthfully, I couldn’t give a festive rats ass.  Hell, I’ve never even seen the show, like, once.  In fact, A&E totally jumped the shark for me years ago when they first started airing ‘Storage Wars’  marathons, like, every day.  But, hey, I do hate to buck popular holiday convention (especially with a child around the house) so maybe I should just learn to ‘go with the flow’.

So screw Christmas, we’re celebrating the spirit of ‘Duckmas’ this year by reveling in all things Duck Dynasty.  Yeah, Christmas is so passee anyway!

As such, we’re decorating the tree with duck calls, wrapping the presents in camouflage, and hanging beards instead of mistle toe:  “Oh honey, you’re standing under the Duckmas beard, you know what that means…pucker up!”  And forget about hanging Christmas stockings, we’re going to use rubber boots.  Oh, and instead of a sleigh pulled by eight tiny reindeer, Santa now drives a 49.8 horsepower ATV so we’re leaving a barrel of gasoline out instead of cookies and milk.  And, hey, instead of your usual turkey dinner Christmas Eve, we’re having roasted duck and honeyed frog legs and we’ve even replaced our ‘Elf on the Shelf‘ with a bobble head of Phil Robertson.

Yup.  This is going to be the best Duckmas ever!

God help me.

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