Spam Bomb’s

Every now and again, we find stupid stuff in our mailbox as does everybody I’m sure.  Whether it’s those endless credit card applications, pointless surveys, dumb ass magazine subscriptions, or some other miscellaneous crap, it’s always the same…straight into the recycle box.  But hold on there Kemosabe, there’s also one awesome perk that comes along with this otherwise undesirable junk mail, something that can provide hours of good, wholesome family fun.  The free postage paid envelope!  Oh yes, don’t throw them into the recycle bin too hastily.  That’s just too easy and forgiving.

Think of it this way:  when you receive junk mail that has a postage paid envelope enclosed, that postage is only paid for if/when you actually chose to use it (i.e. submit the application, surrey, etc.) otherwise it goes without use and, therefore, absolutely no expense to the company that flooded your mailbox with it in the first place.  The company then has agreed only to pick up the cost of the postage on the off chance (and only when) you are actually interested enough to actually return whatever crap they sent you.  Usually, we just pitch it in the garbage and it goes unspent.  To be different (I am a unique and beautiful snowflake after all), I like to ensure that that postage gets used…even when I’m not interested in their crap.

I give you Exhibit A:

One dating/singles survey and application.

One dating/singles survey and application.

Harmless, right?  Useless, right?  Toss it, right?  Wrong.

I like to send them back, well, something anyway, just to make full use of that postage.  As a single dude I liked to send them newspaper clippings, coupons, and other useless scraps I had floating around the apartment.  Sometimes I’d send the pizza coupons to the credit card people, and credit card application to the dating people, and dating surveys to the pizza places.  I figured it was my little way of bring people together.  And, hey, isn’t this also a pretty nifty Eco-friendly recycling program to boot?  But now that I have an eight-year-old around, it’s way more fun.  Why not send them pictures?

I give you Exhibit B:

Not exactly a Renaissance style Triptych, but it'll do.

Not exactly a Renaissance style Tryptych, but it’ll do.

In HRH’s case, she figured they’d really appreciate and enjoy drawn pictures of our cat Tina pooping a really big poop, barfing in a rain storm, as well as some other random scribblings and cut out’s she found laying around her room.  Hey, who wouldn’t?  Now, put them altogether (leave out your return address of course) and you’ve got one ‘Spam Bomb’.  Most importantly, you’ve made some memories together!

I give you Exhibit C:



Time spent occupied quietly drawing pictures = 25 minutes.  Total cost of spam bomb = $0  Fun for the whole family = priceless.

Oh, by the way…After wasting their precious postage a few times, I can almost guarantee you that whoever it is that’s littering your mailbox with crap will eventually give it a rest since you’re needlessly wasting their money.  So you can consider that as a little added bonus.  You’re welcome.

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