The Dragon’s Den Formula

For HRH, the word ‘nap’ is a dirty word; a word to be despised and avoided at all costs.  She resists her afternoon naps like vegans resist bacon cheeseburgers.  Some recommended remedies to coax stubborn children to sleep include melatonin, valerian, passion flower, chamomile, lemon balm, and warm milk. Over the years, I’m sure Kelly has probably tried it all, up to and nearly including a rubber mallet to the head.  No luck.  But I think I have just stumbled across the perfect natural remedy:  ‘Dragon’s Den’.

It’s more of a ‘formula’ actually.  Our daily ‘nap’ routine beings promptly at 4:00pm as soon I sign off from work.  By 4:01pm, we are curled up in the big comfy chair with a fluffy blanket just as the opening credits begin to roll.  By 4:02pm, the cat has also joined the mix and literally by 4:05pm she is snoring soundly in my arms under the end credits 55 minutes later.  Sometimes, if I’m really lucky, I’ll also make it half way through ‘Judge Judy’ at 5:00pm.

There’s just something magical about the chair, blanket, cat and Dragon’s Den formula.  I know HRH could care less who gets what percent of stake in whose company and, truthfully, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass either.  What I do care about is 45 to 60 minutes of uninterrupted nap time to stave off the cranky pre-bedtime tantrums, and if that means I have to endure a little shit television in the process, I’m totally game.

Maybe it’s the soothing monotone drone to Brett’s voice, the hypnotic quality to Arlene’s streaky hair, or the glare emanating from Kevin’s cue ball forehead, I don’t rightly know.  But whatever it is, it works.  So much so, that she actually begins asking for it by 3:30pm as I’m finishing my work day.

Now, for those of you are thinking that it has nothing at all to do with Dragon’s Den, but more about snuggling up beside me, why is it then that it doesn’t seem to work with any other TV show?  Even our old tried and true favorite ‘Good Luck, Charlie’ doesn’t yield the same results.  There’s just something about that snorting, fire-breathing dragon and Liam Gallagher’s nasally voice singing over top swirling guitar rips: “Put yer money where yer mouth is, your momma sez that you was reeeeaaaaal”.  It’s better than Chloroform.

In fact, had Michael Jackson become addicted to Dragon’s Den instead of Propofol, he’d probably still be alive today.

Previous Post
Next Post
Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: