Breast Case Scenario

Finally, science has given us men the perfect response if/when we should ever get caught ogling another woman’s breasts:

“Honey, I’m exercising.”

It’s true.  A new German study, published in the ‘New England Journal of Medicine’, has concluded after a five year study that staring at women’s breasts for a few minutes daily is better for your health than going to the gym.  In fact, just 10 minutes a day of looking at some woman’s heaving sweater monkeys is the equivalent to a 30 minute aerobics workout, says Dr. Karen Weatherby, an expert on aging.

Well, that’s just about the best example I can think of for five years well spent if you ask me.  Imagine being a fly on the wall at that laboratory; I only wish I could have been a test subject.  Talk about your easy money!  “Okay, Mr. Nash, we’re going to bring in Wendy Whoppers and we’d like you to stare directly at her ta-ta’s for a few minutes, okay?”

No shame.  No necessary tip tucked into her G-string.  No nothing.

Apparently, the men who were told to stare at a woman’s D-cup (or larger) bazonga’s daily developed a lower blood pressure and slower resting heart rates, while also decreasing their risk of coronary artery disease.  Dr. Weatherby explained: “Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation.  There’s no question – gazing at large breasts makes men healthier.”


Forget the treadmill, baby, I might just have to add this to my own personal training schedule going forward.  After all, I want to be fit and healthy for my family as I get older to ensure that I’m still around for them for a long time to come.  And if scoping out other women’s jubblies is what I have to do, oh well, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do I guess.

“Honey, pack up the kid we’re going to Hooters!”

After all, you can’t argue with science.

God help me.

Leave a comment

1 Comment

  1. Kim

     /  May 3, 2013

    “heaving sweater monkeys”….just…wow… Hahahahahaha!


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