Solving the Princess Conundrum

It would be no understatement to say that HRH  sure digs her princesses.  What eight-year-old girl doesn’t, right?  So while I may not purport to understand why she sometimes associates me with princesses, I do understand that is a perfectly ordinary fixation for her to have.  But, being the jackass I am, I sometimes like to have a little fun with it too.

I once asked her what she thought might happen to princesses when they get old and, maybe, aren’t so pretty anymore.  There’s a pretty funny website (click HERE to view) dedicated to just this very question, but I didn’t think it was terribly appropriate to share with an eight-year-old.  Primarily, I was more interesting in knowing if HRH  sincerely believed that her princess idols were, in fact, going to live ‘happily ever after’.  Of course she does.  Me?  I’m not too sure.

Take ‘Sleeping Beauty’ for example.  She falls into a magical, semi-conscious stupor only to be awakened by the kiss of a prince.  This sounds a little all-too familiar doesn’t it, ladies? It sounds to me like Princess Aurora aka “Sleeping Beauty” had one too many margaritas at the bar with her friends on ‘Thirsty Thursday’ and woke up to a sloppy frat boy sucking her face.  If this isn’t the poster campaign for avoiding drunken hook-up’s, I don’t know what is.  But, hey, it happens.

So if there’s one thing you can learn from Sleeping Beauty, however (and one too many vodka tonics), it’s this: drunken hook-ups are not sexy.  Despite what happens in the movie, most women (I hope) realize that not every guy who kisses them back to life or who they may meet in the woods alone (creeper much?) is a prince.  No.  If you want to meet real guys and not just opportunists hanging by the bar, avoid Aurora’s scenario.  And as for the “evil witch” who cast that spell?  Well, we’ll just call her Smirnoff and leave it at that.

How about the ‘Little Mermaid’?  This particular fish-tailed princess doesn’t teach a lot of great lessons in love in my opinion (i.e. drastically changing your body and ditching your friends and family for a guy doesn’t exactly promote a healthy message about body image and self-respect), but one thing we can take away from her fairytale story is how important communication and body language are to dating and someday meeting (and maybe even keeping) that special guy you’ve had your eye on.

Now, Ariel certainly is strong willed, but she is hardly independent.  No, she wants legs to try and bang some dude she doesn’t even know who makes a hobby of feeding on some of her best friends in hopes that life on land will somehow be better than being the most beloved princess in the ocean.  Hell, the whole message of “Part of That World” is about how her life is perfect under the sea, but that just isn’t enough for her is it?  Princess Ariel is Disney’s version of Jocelyn Wildenstein and will no doubt end up on the covers of tabloids for her freakish appearance after spending millions on cosmetic surgery gone wrong.  Trust me.

Then there’s Snow White.  As “the fairest in the land,” Disney’s first princess, Snow White, is just like that girl at the block kegger. You know the type – she loves attention from guys and she needs a group of them circled around her at all times. Co-ed living isn’t so out of the norm, but living with seven guys?  Geez, the writing is on the wall don’t you think?  Yuck.  And although Snow White may not have been hooking up with Sneezy, Dopey, and Grumpy, she’s definitely acting like their housewife.  She caters to their every whim, cleans their house (with rabid cute and cuddly woodland animals no less), and cooks them hot meals, all the while waiting around for Prince Charming to ride in on his noble steed and sweep her off her feet.  Ummm, doormat much?

So how does one communicate this with one overly sensitive eight-year-old princess addict, you ask?  Well, this clever video goes a long way in my opinion:

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