“What if…”

What is it with kids and the endless questions anyway?  I know HRH  is at the age where her inquisitive mind what to know just about everything, but it seems her focus is more on the question part than it is on the actual answer.  Seriously, this child can rapid fire questions at the rate of a semi-automatic machine gun.  From the moment she steps in the room it’s like I’m the guest of honour at the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.

First, there’s the ever popular ‘Why?’  question.  Similar to the ‘Why’  question is the equally annoying ‘How come?’  question.  Then there’s the newer, more detailed ‘What if?’ line of questioning.  It never ends.  From dusk to dawn I’m expected to be an instant authority on just about everything under the stars whether it happens to be under my direct influence or not.   Likewise, any sentence starting off with that ever-so-inauspicious opening “So…”  is likely to have me programmed to drop into the fetal position quivering like a drenched Chihuahua.

I can deal with most lines of questioning, but what I find hard to deal with are the really redundant and often dumb questions.  Whoever said “there’s no such thing as a stupid question” certainly didn’t live with an inquisitive seven-year-old.  That much I’m sure.

Now, let’s be straight, I’m not talking about the usual “Why is the sky blue?”  types of questions here.  That’s actually a pretty smart question well beyond my limited mental faculties to answer.  I’m talking more about questions like:

HRH“What’s the weather like outside today?”

Me“I dunno.  Look out the window.”

HRH:  “What would happen if you were four hundred thousand feet in the sky?”

Me:  “Then Felix Baumgartner would be my bitch.”

HRH:  “What do you like better, hamburgers or the colour blue?”

Me:  “Umm…”

I mean, seriously, how do you even answer that?  Is she genuinely interested to know something or is she just trying to fill every waking minute of every single day with whatever random thought that happens to pop into her mind?  I don’t get it.  Clearly the old adage “silence is golden”  is completely lost on this child.

I wonder what would happen if I started to respond to her questions with equally annoying counter-questions?

HRH:  “What if I forgot to tie my shoelaces?”

Me:  “What if I decided to sell you to the gypsy’s for a Happy Meal?”

HRH:  ……..

Touché, kiddo!  Take that!

Game…set…and match.

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