Embrace the Stink

My girlfriend’s seven-year-old daughter has often proclaimed when I get back from one of my workouts that I “smell like stink” as she wrinkles her little nose up as if someone has just placed a fresh dog turd in front of her.  To make matters worse, my girlfriend often agrees.  Sure, she’s no Wordsworth, and I do realize that I tend to get a bit, well, ripe after I’ve been working out hard but, c’mon, seriously?  Am I really that bad?

Besides, what do they expect exactly?  A little pungent body odor is just the natural bi-product from kicking so much ass, what can I say?  I’m sure if I stayed indoors more often in the cool air conditioning eating donuts I would probably smell a lot better, but then they’d have something else to complain about, namely, my ballooning waistline and the fact that I could quite possibly stroke out at 42 years of age.  Oh, and maybe that there was never any donuts around.

Now, I will agree that the reek emanating from my running shoes can fall somewhere between high noon at the monkey house and, say, a rotting corpse but, I do try my absolute best to not keep them laying around in the open at the front door when I’m finished.  Nor do I hang my jackets in the closet anymore.  No, they have assumed a less than dignified place out in the garage.  Ever try to put on a running jacket first thing in the morning after it’s spent the entire night in near zero degree conditions?  Let it never be said that I don’t make sacrifices.

When I lived on my own, I hung my jackets wherever I pleased and let my runners’ simply fall where they may when I returned home from my long runs. I embraced my ‘stink’ as the obvious sign of my total and complete awesomeness.  But, suddenly, I have to now be cautious not to offend poor HRH’s sensitive olfactory glands.  Truth be told, I don’t think I smell that bad so suck it up, Princess.

What’s a hard-working and, occasionally, smelly guy to do?  I don’t want to discourage her from exercise for fear that she’s going to smell like a fetid polecat, but I don’t want to start delving into specially scented lotions, deodorants and sprays and lose my overall sense of proud manliness either.  Hell, I like my stink.  It reminds me of progress and how hard I’ve worked to achieve it fitness-wise.  Embrace the stink!

God help me.

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1 Comment

  1. flobby Bobby

     /  May 30, 2012

    Jeez buddy, I hope your girlfriend leaves you soon so you can go back to being an awesome bachelor again.


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