Sekrit Plan (Phase One)

Phase One of the “Sekrit Plan” was accomplished today with my becoming an actual automobile owner.  Yes, that’s right!  I am now the proud owner of a used 2001 Chrysler Neon.  Not exactly the Bullitt-like Dodge Caravan that I had envisioned my first car to be as a budding ‘Man’s Man’ but, hey, beggars can’t be choosers either.  I’m pleased with my purchase; of course, I just wish it had a cooler name than ‘Neon’.  I mean, really, its silver for Pete sakes…that’s not even considered as a legitimate neon color is it?  Why couldn’t they have called it the ‘Silver Bullet’, or the ‘Silver Panther’ or something infinitely more awesome?  As it is, ‘Neon’ just sounds pretty pussy; hardly badass.  But I digress.

Am I excited?  No, not really.  In fact I’m terrified.  Having lived locally downtown for over a decade I have never really required a car as I am within easy walking distance of any place a true ‘Renaissance Man’ would ever need to go: the gym, the market, the library, the pub, Subway, Starbucks, et al.  Where else is there?  I mean, it’s pretty neat being a car owner now and all as it comes with all the usual perks like four tires, brakes, a steering wheel, and a beverage holder…oh, and it has a spoiler which definitely ups the ‘Cool Factor’ a bit.  But as it is, it’s just a basic four door sedan.  No big whoop.  However, it does come with a nearly obsolete tape deck so I can break out all my old ‘Escape Club’, ‘Genesis’ and ‘Huey Lewis & the News’ cassettes for long car drives to, well, wherever I need to go I guess.  When else am I ever going to listen to Huey?  Hey, don’t knock it.  Huey was the shit.

That's right, bitches! A spoiler.

Oh, and it does have one very, uber-important feature:  a convenient plug with which to recharge the all-mighty Nintendo DS gaming system for long car rides; Heavens forbid that Super Mario runs out of juice.

Truthfully, part of my anxiety is that I don’t know bugger all about cars.  I’m just not one of those kinds of guys.  I can talk all day about the design specs and aerodynamic drag resistance on the Cervelo P1 time-trial racing bike, or the pronation or supination abilities of any particular brand of running shoe, but ask me about gas mileage and I’ll inevitably just respond with a blank stare.  Did I mention it has a spoiler?

Having an automobile was integral to the ‘Sekrit Plan’.  Now I have a convenient means of getting back and forth to work, the supermarket, and wherever else a family man may need to go…play dates, t-ball practice, swim meets, dropping HRH off at school, pick up the sweetie at the hair salon, etc.

God help me.

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2 Comments

  1. Kelly

     /  February 10, 2012

    Wait, you’re going to be my chauffeur for my hair appointments ???
    Sweet !!

    Reply

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